Happy Birthday Alexis!

We just wanted to wish one of our angel friends a Happy 1st Birthday!
Happy Birthday Alexis!

Happy 1st Birthday Sharyn!

November 14th, was our baby Sharyn's first birthday and the day that I was not looking forward too having. I was terrified that I would not be able to keep it together and I would have a breakdown. But the day was a very special day and a day that I can look back on with fond memory's. I feel that I was able to show Sharyn how much she is loved and missed. I cried a lot but not so much that it ruined the day. I miss her very much and keep her in my heart all of the time.
My mom and I went shopping that day for a few gifts to put on Sharyn's grave and she mentioned that if Sharyn were here, she would probably be crawling and saying "Mommy" and "Daddy". I started balling in the store. I could not help it, I have avoided thinking about what she would be like right now if she were here, for that very reason. I felt my emotions on the surface and tried to hold them back. But the thought of her and what she would be like opened the flood gaits. I found it hard to get it back together. But I composed myself after a few minutes and realized that I was kidding myself on thinking that this day would come tear free.

Last year after we lost Sharyn, my mom gave me a basket of flowers for Sharyn's funeral. They were so beautiful and I loved the bear inside of it. After the flowers started wilting I did not know what to do with the basket and bear, do I put the bear on Sharyn's grave or keep it? Do I keep the basket or through it away? those were the questions I had and then my sister Sharon came up with a great idea. She suggested that I make a fall decoration out of it to honer baby Sharyn and her birthday and to also enjoy the bear and basket. So that is what we did. On Sharyn's first birthday we made a fall basket that we can put out for the month of November to enjoy and decorate for Thanksgiving and to also remember our baby Sharyn. I love it and feel it turned out perfect. What a beautiful way to have a little bit of Sharyn in our home for the holiday of Thanksgiving. I am truly thankful for her, and can't wait to finely be with her again.

We decided to through a big birthday party just like the ones I through for our other kids. We had dinner and presents and cake and Ice cream. There was a little twist when we opened the gifts. We each took turns opening one and then everyone else said why that person was so special and what they loved about them. I loved it, we find ourselves not talking nice to each other enough and not telling each other why we love them, so what a perfect opportunity to tell our family how much they mean to us and by doing this the kids truly knew that each member in our family did love and appreciate them and thought they were a wonderful addition to our family. I know that Sharyn was looking down at her family smiling, because she knows how special her brothers and sisters are and she was proud of them for recognizing how wonderful they are. We all needed that and the kids just beamed after we were all done because they did feel the love from each member of our family.

Each gift we gave our little girl had some meaning behind it. The Tinkerbell was because Grandma Louise has a Disney character figurine for each one of her grand children and when we lost baby Sharyn she decided that Tinkerbell was perfect for a little girl that never would grow up. I love Tinkerbell as well because she has wings and is so small and perfect.
Ambree gave her a stuffed elephant because as many of you know, Ambree has lots of elephant things because everyone teased me whale I was pregnant with her that I had been pregnant for two years to Finlay get a baby, and elephants are pregnant for two years. So Sharyn had to have an elephant too.
Noah gave her a Minny Mouse because we love Disneyland and she needed a little peace of Disney.
Ryanne gave her a princes crown, because she is our princes.
Austin gave her a story book because all little girls love for there mom and dad to read them a bedtime story.

After presents we went to her grave and gave the gifts to Sharyn and sang Happy Birthday. It turned out perfect!Ever since I have had Ambree I find that I now truly know what I am missing buy not having our little girl Sharyn in our home. I look at Ambree's beautiful face and see her angel sister staring back at me and me wishing that I could have her here in my arms.
We love and miss you Sharyn and look forward to the day we will be with you again. Happy Birthday from your mommy, daddy and big sister Ryanne, brothers Noah and Austin and baby sister Ambree. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

A lady bug sent from heaven!

It has been so amazing and so emotional these past few days. I have cried for so many reasons and have felt blessings and miracles all around me. The day Ambree was born was one of the most miraculous days of my life. To here her little cry as she was born was so wonderful and the most overwhelming feelings I have felt in a long time. I wish I could describe how I felt but I don't know how to put it into words that could justify the feelings I was feeling.

As I was recovering in the hospital my mom and sister decided that it was time to get ready for the baby to come home. (I just could not put up the crib or get ready for Ambree, not because I was not exited to have her here, but I was nerves to put up anything just in case something were to go wrong. I just could not bare to take down the crib again. I just did not want to Jinks my self.)
Wail they were cleaning and setting up the crib they found a little surprise setting on the head of the crib. It was a perfect little lady bug. Why is that such a miracle? Because I have always thought of our baby Sharyn as a lady bug. I bought her crib set with them on it and had to have one put on her head stone. And here to greet her new little sister into the world on her birthday was a perfect lady bug just waiting. My mom and Sharon just stood there staring at this miracle, how did it get into the house? How was it still alive when there was snow just out side? But here at the head of baby Ambrees bed was a lady bug. I would like to think it was a sign sent from heaven, our little Sharyn wishing Ambree, her new baby sister her love and that she was watching over us in this happy time.
I can't tell you what a comfort it was to see the pictures of this lady bug and to here the story on where it was. To know that our baby girl was here with us. I know our Heavenly Father loves us and is watching over us. He has blessed us again with another beautiful baby girl. There has been many things that have been such a miracle with Ambree's coming and it all points to one thing. There truly is a Heavenly Father watching out for our family, and our sweet baby Sharyn is ever so near to us.
Just a few things that happened to verify that Ambree was a miracle. First, we wanted to have another baby after Sharyn but I was to scared to try again, so we decided that we wanted to wait awhile. But just 3 short months later we were surprised to find out I was pregnant. How could that be? I could never get pregnant on my own. All of the other kids I had to visit with the doctor to have them and here we were pregnant with another baby.
I just new it was going to be a boy. How could I be having a girl when I wanted one so bad and our last baby girl was taken from us much to soon. I was wrong again, it was another girl, to me that was one of the most amazing miracles I had yet. I could not believe we would be having a baby girl in our home after all.
Next came the shocking news, baby Ambree was due on baby Sharyn's 1st birthday, November 14Th 2009. When they told me my due date I was so surprised I started to cry. How could this be? Out of all the days in the year to have our baby due, she was coming right on our Angel baby's birthday. The pore tec. lady was flustered with my reaction, so I told her my story and she was surprised as well. She quickly changed my due date to the day before, November 13th. My mom would always tell me that it was Heavenly Fathers way of trying to make things wright and to let us know that there was many more blessings to come for the sacrifices we have made. I think maybe she was right.
And then our beautiful baby Ambree came into this world at exactly 36 weeks and 6 days, just exactly the same age of baby Sharyn, the day we lost her. She was also 36weeks and 6 days when I did not feel her move anymore and went in to the hospital.
There was so many things that make me believe that I am being watched over and now to have this Lady bug here, the day baby Ambree was born, to welcome her to this earth. How else, but believe it was sent by her big sister Sharyn.
I love you Sharyn and miss you so much. Thank you for the little gift and I know that you have been here with us these past few days. I love you and will always keep you in our hearts, and one day I will have another miracle, I will hold you in my arms. I will look forward to that day, Until then I will cherish these moments.
Love your Mommy and new baby sister Ambree!

My sister is home!

Ambree my little sister is with her family!Daddy getting ready.Born at 12:56pm
20 in long
6lb 8oz.
Mommy is so Happy!!!!!!!!!!!!Ambree already has daddy rapped around her finger!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you all for the love and prayers.
Mommy and Daddy.

Just wanted to say I love you!

I was going through Sharyn's pictures and decided to make a marmoreal video of her funeral. I think it turned out perfect!
I just wanted to say that we love you so much Sharyn!
Much Love!!!
Mom, Dad, Ryanne, Noah, Austin, and your new baby sister Ambree

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Missing you!

Today I am just missing you so much Sharyn. I don't know what it is about today, maybe just having your baby sister moving inside of me, makes me remember when you were with me and how happy I was to be having you, or maybe that you are near me today. I just can't stop crying and my arms ache for you so much today. I love you and want to send a kiss to heaven too let you know that I am thinking of you today. I love so much, my little angel Sharyn. Love Mommy

A specail gift for our little girl!

It is finely here. Sharyn's headstone.The other day we were at a family party and I got a text message from my sister Sharon, that had baby Sharyn's headstone on it and the caption "It's all paid for" on it. "What?" I said, I did not get it, and then I started balling. I couldn't believe it, our baby girl will finely have her headstone to honer her and so we will be able to show her how much we love her.
Dan and I only could afford to pay for half of it and we had to save up for the rest. I was stressed that it was getting so late in the summer and that we were not going to be able to get the rest paid for before the ground was too frozen to be able to set it. I was so sad that I could not go and put flowers on Sharyn's grave and just find her. I had kind of lost track of were her grave was and it really bothered me.
I guess my mom and Sharon and my Grandma Bernice decided awhile ago that they were going to surprise me and pay off the remainder balance of her headstone for us. They wanted to wait until it was placed before the told me and just take me over to her grave site to show me, but they could tell I was getting really anxious to get it paid off and that I probably could not wait that long (They were right, I was going nuts, trying to figure out how we were going to pay off the rest) So after Sharon, my mom and Grandma payed it off they sent me the e-mail. They just had got back, and so they saw my reaction, I balled and balled. They got the reaction that they had expected. Everyone at the party was shocked that I was crying and asked what was wrong. I told them what they had done and so all of us were teary eyed.
I am so so so happy I can't even tell you. I called my grandma and told her how much it meant to me and balled again on the Phone. I just can't even tell them how much this truly meant to me and my family.
The other day we went and put flowers on her new little headstone and showed the kids it. They loved it and were so exited to finely see it. We are so happy!I just wanted to say again, THANK YOU! I love you Mom, Sharon and Grandma. I think this was the most special gift that you could give our little family and it will always mean the world to us. We love you!
And we love you so much Sharyn, I can't wait to hold you in my arms and give you a little kiss.
Love, Mommy!