Thursday, June 4, 2009

How beautiful!

Thank you Amy for putting this beautiful video together for our Angel Sharyn. Your work was breathtaking and I will Cherish this forever. You are such a wonderful friend and I am truly grateful. You are always in our prayers.

I am missing you so much!

Today I have been missing you, baby Sharyn so much. I just want you here with us.
It has been kind of a roller coaster ride these last few months. My emotions are kind of all over the place. One minute I am so happy and the next a nerves wreck and so sad. To be pregnant again has been so stressful. To not know if everything will turn our OK and to still carry on with life. Sometimes I don't want to carry on with life, I just want to sit and have everything stand sill, so that I can catch up.
We recently went to Alaska and had lots of fun, but my trip was tainted with the feelings of loss and also missing my kids left at home. I still feel like it was the time of our lives, but I also missed my kids desperately. I have left them for long trips before, but never have I missed them so much while I was gone. It almost took all the fun out of the trip. I really decided that it would have been more fun to have them there.
Also these past few months of school have dragged on forever. I never before wanted so desperately for school to be out and have the kids home all the time. It has been hard for me to send them away and not to be with them. I am so so glad we have this summer to spend together and just enjoy each other.
I hate that loosing a baby has changed me forever but I am glad that I have been changed. I would never give up the true blessings that I have receive through this trail, the love for my family and how I truly feel closer to each one of them and cherish them even more. I love that I have Sharyn to look forward too, to be able to raise her and see her grow. That is what helps me through.
I love each one of my children very much and feel they our are true blessings in our lives.