November 14th, was our baby Sharyn's first birthday and the day that I was not looking forward too having. I was terrified that I would not be able to keep it together and I would have a breakdown. But the day was a very special day and a day that I can look back on with fond memory's. I feel that I was able to show Sharyn how much she is loved and missed. I cried a lot but not so much that it ruined the day. I miss her very much and keep her in my heart all of the time.
My mom and I went shopping that day for a few gifts to put on Sharyn's grave and she mentioned that if Sharyn were here, she would probably be crawling and saying "Mommy" and "Daddy". I started balling in the store. I could not help it, I have avoided thinking about what she would be like right now if she were here, for that very reason. I felt my emotions on the surface and tried to hold them back. But the thought of her and what she would be like opened the flood gaits. I found it hard to get it back together. But I composed myself after a few minutes and realized that I was kidding myself on thinking that this day would come tear free.
Last year after we lost Sharyn, my mom gave me a basket of flowers for Sharyn's funeral. They were so beautiful and I loved the bear inside of it. After the flowers started wilting I did not know what to do with the basket and bear, do I put the bear on Sharyn's grave or keep it? Do I keep the basket or through it away? those were the questions I had and then my sister Sharon came up with a great idea. She suggested that I make a fall decoration out of it to honer baby Sharyn and her birthday and to also enjoy the bear and basket. So that is what we did. On Sharyn's first birthday we made a fall basket that we can put out for the month of November to enjoy and decorate for Thanksgiving and to also remember our baby Sharyn. I love it and feel it turned out perfect. What a beautiful way to have a little bit of Sharyn in our home for the holiday of Thanksgiving. I am truly thankful for her, and can't wait to finely be with her again.
We decided to through a big birthday party just like the ones I through for our other kids. We had dinner and presents and cake and Ice cream. There was a little twist when we opened the gifts. We each took turns opening one and then everyone else said why that person was so special and what they loved about them. I loved it, we find ourselves not talking nice to each other enough and not telling each other why we love them, so what a perfect opportunity to tell our family how much they mean to us and by doing this the kids truly knew that each member in our family did love and appreciate them and thought they were a wonderful addition to our family. I know that Sharyn was looking down at her family smiling, because she knows how special her brothers and sisters are and she was proud of them for recognizing how wonderful they are. We all needed that and the kids just beamed after we were all done because they did feel the love from each member of our family.
Each gift we gave our little girl had some meaning behind it. The Tinkerbell was because Grandma Louise has a Disney character figurine for each one of her grand children and when we lost baby Sharyn she decided that Tinkerbell was perfect for a little girl that never would grow up. I love Tinkerbell as well because she has wings and is so small and perfect.
Ambree gave her a stuffed elephant because as many of you know, Ambree has lots of elephant things because everyone teased me whale I was pregnant with her that I had been pregnant for two years to Finlay get a baby, and elephants are pregnant for two years. So Sharyn had to have an elephant too.
Noah gave her a Minny Mouse because we love Disneyland and she needed a little peace of Disney.
Ryanne gave her a princes crown, because she is our princes.
Austin gave her a story book because all little girls love for there mom and dad to read them a bedtime story.
After presents we went to her grave and gave the gifts to Sharyn and sang Happy Birthday. It turned out perfect!Ever since I have had Ambree I find that I now truly know what I am missing buy not having our little girl Sharyn in our home. I look at Ambree's beautiful face and see her angel sister staring back at me and me wishing that I could have her here in my arms.
We love and miss you Sharyn and look forward to the day we will be with you again. Happy Birthday from your mommy, daddy and big sister Ryanne, brothers Noah and Austin and baby sister Ambree. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!