Monday, March 30, 2009

Words of comfort!

The other day I went over to a good friend of ours and was talking about our loss and how hard it has been. I happened to mention to him that I was looking for something that would tell us a little more about how old our children (we have lost) will they be when we get to hold them again? And he gave me this article that was written from some talks that Joseph Smith had given, and it said...

At the funeral of two-year-old Marian Lyon, the Prophet said: "We have again the warning voice sounded in our midst, Which shows the uncertainty of human life; and in my leisure moments I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that presents themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it... grows more wicked and corrupt... The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world: they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefor, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again..."

Mary Isabella Horne and Leonora Cannon Taylor each lost a young child in death. Sister Horne recalled that the Prophet Joseph Smith gave the two sisters these words of comfort: "He told us that we should receive those children in the morning of the resurrection just as we laid them down, in purity and innocence, and we should nourish and care for them as their mothers. He said that children would be raised in the resurrection just as they were laid down, and they would obtain all the intelligence necessary to occupy thrones, principalities and powers."

The Prophet Joseph Smith said: "A question may be asked- 'Will mothers have their children in eternity?' Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid."
"Children... must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory- the same loveliness in the celestial glory." (History of the Church, 6:316; from a discourse given by Joseph Smith on Apr. 7, 1844 and May 12, 1844 in

This article was so wonderful and really touched me. I felt the spirit, and I know that what Joseph Smith was saying was true. I didn't realize that Joseph and Emma Smith also have lost many Children, they had 11 children- 9 born to them and 2 adopted- only 5 lived to adulthood. I know that Joseph Smith knows the loss of a child, so he asked from his heart, if his loving wife would be able to have those children again, and the Lord did give him an answer. I am shore that Emma felt relieved to know that those children she had lost, she would be able to raise them from the age they had died, and see them grow.

I am so exited to be able to see our baby Sharyn again, and for me to be her mommy, and be able to raise her from a little baby. To be able to see her grow and enjoy all the blessings that comes with it. I love my heavenly father and know that Joseph Smith is a true prophet of God and that he was inspired, and speaks the truth. I am grateful for the atonement and the blessings it gives to me. I know Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be happy. I hope that, for those of you that have lost a child, that this article helps you and comfort you, as it did for me. I want to thank Scott for finding this article for me, it was truly a blessing. Thank you!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I just wanted to say "I love you!"

My little Sharyn,
I have been thinking of you a lot these past few days. I just wanted to let you know how much I love you and want you to be here in my arms. You would be about 4 months old, if all went as planed. You would be smiling and when dad tickled you and talk to you, you would give a little giggle. I wonder all the time what it would be like to have your big sister holding you and loving you. She was so exited for you to come to our family, to have someone she could dress up and teach how to do her crafts and to brag about. She loves you and misses you so much. And Austin talks about you all the time. He tells everyone we see that he has a baby sister, but that you don't live with us any more you live with Jesus now, but you are happy and love him a lot. He really dose love you too. And Your big brother Noah is really missing you, probably the most. He is very quiet about how he feels but every once in awhile he asks me if you will get another body and come live with us again. He wants to have you here so much, a baby sister to love and protect. Daddy misses you also, he would love to hold you and play with you. He loves little baby's so much and wishes he got a chance to see your smile. I think about you all the time, like what would I be doing with you today? I so much wish you could be here in my arms and hear your little cry. I think that's what I would love to hear the most is your little cry. To know that you are there and to be able to comfort you. I look at our empty Conner in our bedroom where you crib was supposed to be and miss you so much. Its hard to want to spend any time in there with out you there. I decided that instead of an empty corner I am going to put a shelf or two and put on it a few gifts that our wonderful friends have given us. To honer you, and to fill that corner with things that remind me of my beautiful children that I love so much. I think it will help me and make me smile to see your beautiful face there, with your brothers and sister instead of an empty corner. I love you so much and just wanted to let you know that I am doing better. And that I will always love you and miss you. I Love You Sharyn. Love Mommy!

Names in the sand

Thank you so much Christian's Seashore, for all you do to help bereaved family's. I love our baby Sharyn's beautiful picture.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Just been feeling down

  • It has been a while since I have posted for many reasons, mostly because I have not known what to say. I guess recently I have really been down, and that is mostly why I have not written. I have really missed our baby the past few weeks and fill maybe she is slipping more and more away from my family. We have done lots of fun things lately, but I am having a hard time finding joy in them, mostly because I don't feel that I am complete. I feel broken And I hate that! I am a fixer and I can't fix this. I also feel like others look up to me and I don't fill adequate. I feel like I come up short. I want to be there for them but I fill like I have nothing to offer. I also am having a hard time keeping up with my every day life. Like all my responsibility's. If you have been to my house recently you would notice it has not been the most organized and is kind of in chaos. And outside responsibilities "for get it!" I have been horrible, with doing my church obligations, like visiting teaching and keeping up with Young Woman's. I really love my callings, but am having a hard time being motivated to do a good job. I always put on a happy face when deep down I am sobbing. I think all of my family is struggling as well. Noah (my 7 year old boy) keeps asking me when will Sharyn live with us again. He has asked me that a few times the last few days, and I have to keep reminding him that she will not live with us in this life again. And we will be with her again in Heaven. And then he will ask me "will the next baby be Sharyn?" And I have to explain that all of us our different and there is only one Sharyn and that She will not get another body on this earth. It is hard to say "I am sorry but your baby sister will not live here with us in this life". I know he understands but I don't think he can except that she is gone. Out of all my kids I thought he cared the least. But I think that he might have not known how to handle it. I try to be there for him and my other kids and hope my explanations help. I just had my birthday on Tuesday and I think that has not helped the situation. To be reminded that you are getting older and there is nothing you can do about it. My life is not were I envisioned it at my age and that is disappointing. I do fill like there are things in my life that are true blessings, first of all my beautiful children and my loving husband. I just think that I was not expecting to have the year start out on such a rocky road. I was naive to think that losing a baby would never happen to me and so I was blind sighted. Also to be so fare along, way out of the danger zone and then losing her was so unexpected, and that also hurts. So lately all I feel I can do is pray to my Heavenly Father and ask him to help me through this time. Also to trust in him, that He knows what is best and that he will take care of my family.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

At peace (For right now)

There is something about knowing, that there is life after this one. This past week my Grandma past away, and of cores it brought up all those felling I felt the day that Sharyn past away. I felt empty and devastated. On Sunday we went to my Grandmothers funeral and I thought I would be a basket case. And yes I did cry but I surprised my self at how I felt. I felt completely at peace. I can't tell you why or how. All I know is I felt the spirit and it warped around me with a blanket of peace.
When we first arrived at the funeral home (The same one that Sharyn's services were at) I was nerves to see family there. I was not sure how my emotions would hold up. But after walking through the doors I saw my Grandmas casket at the end of the room and I had to see her. I walked past every one and went strait to her casket. Normally I would have mingled with the family and slowly made my way to her. But I felt a huge pull to get my last Chance with my Grandma. And when I approached her casket there she was, just beautiful and I started to cry. Not because I would miss her terribly, but because peace came over me. I felt the spirit in the room so strongly and I knew that family's did go on forever. I know that Sharyn was there with me that day comforting me and holding my Grandma's hand. It is amazing how wonderful it is to have those you love together, in the here after. I know that Grandma will love her and teach her and take good care of her. And Heavenly Father will take care of both of them.
I also fill Sharyn did not die for nothing, and some day I will know the purpose. I fill that the spirit in the room that day confirmed that to me. And some day I will know the reason. I love my Grandmother and will miss her. I fill she is with those she misses and is taking good care of my baby girl. We love you both!!!